Posted by: thirstnomore | February 12, 2009


I have not written anything in 2009, and I repent… It has been a tough year so far. We found out that our precious baby girl Samantha has some physical problems that will not allow her to live very long outside the womb. Without going into details it will not be likely that she will live for longer than a few minutes, or maybe a few hours. Only God knows.

It is times like these that you begin to take an inventory of what is really important in life. I have to say that many times I don’t trust in God like I should. I cling to what is seen instead of what is unseen. There is no hope in the seen, and only in the unseen. Look at the economy and you know that you can’t trust in what is seen especially when it is gone (jobs, money, retirement, stocks, etc.).

I have become extremely aware of how I spend so much time on what is trivial and trite and perishing. Samantha has forced me to examine my heart to see if my faith is in Jesus or something else. I have to admit I have not liked what I’ve seen. But, thanks be to God that because of Jesus and his shed blood and broken body and resurrection he is still working on me.

Suffering is a funny thing because we hate it, but know we need it. Non one has ever grown or learned anything from victory, it has only come in the purifying power of God’s grace in suffering (See James 1). We deserve nothing and yet Christ gives us everything. We still have this tendency to think that God “owes me” because somehow I lived a good life and have done the right things. That is “older brother thinking” see Luke 15. We deserve the worst and God gives us the best. We are more evil than we know and more loved than we know.

It is the gospel of Jesus Christ that I find rest, peace, hope, and joy. We have yet to walk through the hardest part of Samantha’s journey. I find much hope in these words of Psalm 139:16 “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”

None of us deserves even a single day so enjoy every moment. A life lived for 70 years can be just as beautiful as a life lived for 70 seconds. We have no say in this reality. A life lived for 70 years without knowledge of Jesus Christ and his Kingdom is a tragedy. Don’t mistake the American Dream for kingdom living.

Samantha will meet Jesus before I do and that makes me jealous. It should make us all jealous as we live with the tension of the “now and the not yet”. Oh what a day that will be when we see Him face to face and we become all that we were meant to be.



  1. Thanks for sharing your heart with the rest of us. Sometimes we get no answer to our many why’s. I know I have none for mine. That’s not really true though, sometimes his answer is simply more of himself, which seems like it is not exactly what I was asking. But do we really need to know why or do we want to know that there is truly a God who cares and has purposes and plans even if he doesn’t explain himself? I want to know that there is an immeasurable love behind all of this even if I don’t understand the picture and the events.

  2. Ryan, I pray for you, Christy, Noah and of course little Samantha every day. Thank you and Christy both for your willingness to share your journey through this difficult time.

  3. Hey Ryan, thank you for sharing brother.
    I have been doing a lot of re-evaluating in regards to what is important in my life too and i have come to the conclusion as all of us would that there is nothing more valuable than spending time loving God, family, friends and the here and now. Living every moment to the fullest and for what it is. Rejoicing with those who rejoice and suffering with those who suffer. It is very easy to disconnect from reality and spend way too much time worrying about the trivial things in life like money, security (like there are any guarantees), being relevant, significant, what we do with our so called “callings” how to accomplish them, trying to figure out what those are etc, etc, etc, while the whole time God just wants to love us and for us to love Him back. Everything else will be added to us… I can be so foolish at times…
    You’re going through a very difficult thing, and i cannot imagine the pain you must be experiencing but i wanted to say thank you for sharing. i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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